Conversation I had with myself today.

"Knock knock!"

"Why, who's there?"

"Uneventful job search!"

"Wait, you were here yesterday. That's not very original..."

Good afternoon.

This week has been quite normal. Normal in the sense of unpredictable and semi unbalanced. I've been as Jon would say "A good sunny", waking up at 8:30 to have a routine of sort. My day looks like this. Go running, come home take a shower, do the dishes from the night before, scope out an area by our house and start the on-foot portion of my job search. Then, come home for lunch, go to the business center at our apartment and look for jobs on the web.

I checked my sent inbox today. I have sent my resume with a specific cover letter to 47 different people.

I guess there are several reasons I really want a job yesterday.

1. I want purpose and a solution to what I've been doing for the past week.

2. I want an accomplishment. Nuff said.

3. I want money. Money can't buy me happiness. I know. But money can be a conduit to my short term happiness. Meaning, God hasn't revealed much of his big picture plan for my life, and that's kind of a long time coming thing.

4. Meeting new friends.

5. Buying a pint for Jon and I.

6. Affording a reliable car.

7. Saving for my undetermined future.

Being alone a lot has taught me about being really genuine in all of my interactions with people. It's funny to think about how many minutes go by without having to say or respond to some one. I talk to God a lot more, but not really vocally. Just in my head.

I've started a new music project. I was listening to some pandora worship music station the other day and an old hymn came on. The words were amazingly good and the music was horribly boring. So, I've decided to take five old hymns and totally revamp them. The only original piece I will keep are the actual lyrics. Different time signatures, different keys, different melodies. It's gonna be badass. I've started with Jesus paid it all. I'm deciding if it sound to rushed with the lyrics to change the time signature from 6/8 to 4/4. I will post them here when I'm done.

I've also started painting recently. It's been a very relaxing thing. No rules or expectations. Just a great way to express myself.

Ok back to work.

The Houston Brown Family

Hello!

Its been a very long time since I've written a blog. So, time to catch you up!

I moved to Houston almost two months ago, I'm unemployed looking for a job, and taking a hard look at my life(Goals, future, job, spiritual walk, hobbies, habits and etc).

I now live with my oldest brother Jon. Its very interesting and refreshing how the dynamic of our relationship evolves in different ways. This is one of the only relationships where we wear multiple hats for each other that seems to work. What I mean by that is, we each are there for each other in different ways that two normal roommates don't usually do for each other.

For instance.

I am not employed - Jon is our bread winner.

Jon is at work most of the day - I keep the house quite clean.

We are both working through different parts of our spiritual walk - We are both ready and happy to help each other work through those thoughts.

Jon and I have many things in common, from the music we like to the type of TV we watch to the approach we've taken to life. The latter is the one that is the glue to our family here in Houston. Its funny the evolution our relationship has taken. Two brothers that are ten years apart that didn't share really that much time at home together are now roommates who's life parallel in some major ways.

Spring/Summer

I miss Uganda a lot today. I've thought of memories in general a lot recently. How at first they can be filled with so much emotion. Emotion that is either sad or happy or even just weird. And to me, it seems as time goes by, they slowly loose the emotion that is tied to the memory and it just becomes factual. I'm hoping that this never happens with my trip to Uganda or many of the experiences I'm going through in my early twenties. Even though not all of my memories have happy emotions, I feel like I'm changing my outlook because of the sad ones too. God is using all situations to point me back to him.

What are some memories you

want to hold on to?

That's all...

You know what's weird!

Sunday Morning

Mark 14.

So, I woke up at six this morning to go to church and play music in the worship center for Sunday morning service. This week was the first week that I've played three consecutive services in a row. And it was odd. It was interesting to see how people worshiped to the same set of music with, the same leaders and with the same set of prayers.

There was no consistency in how they worshiped to specific songs. There was no consistency to how they took the message. I wonder what that means? I'm not sure if it means anything. I know this much, I don't like the way that American culture direct how we worship God. Church services have become like well directed movies. At the beginning, there's a song that gets people interested. And, now that we all want to start shaking our white little(and sometimes not so little) asses because of the tempo and bumping music, our attention is there. So then they follow up with with a top hit. A song that everyone knows. A song by either Chris Tomlin or Hillsong. And now that everyone has gotten a little sweaty from singing two upbeat songs, its time to turn down the tempo, turn down the lights and turn up the emotion. This song will usually be a song that starts out with only synthesizer and acoustic guitar, to give a great epic sound. A soundscape filled with noises that sound so natural and also very angelic. Because, everyone knows that heaven will just sound like an Enya album from the nineties. And once they finishe this song, they will finish up the set with a special song done by the worship pastor. It'll usually tie in with the message that will proceed after the offering.

This seems so silly to me at the moment. I definitely think heaven will sound like an Enya album. It's going to be filled with music from every culture, even cultures I don't like here. But, I think it will be different in heaven because the lyrics will be based off of God and not silly, stupid and or gross topics.

Ok, I have to go play the last song.

Boom......

Things I'm thinking About

Hello!

So it's been such a long time since I've written anything on my blog.

This one will be short, but more will be coming soon.

Things I've been thinking about(In list form of course).

1. After talking to a friend about a lot of situations going on in my life, I have come to the realization of a simple phrase.

Grief is the proof of Love.

Meaning, If you are sad about the death of someone you love, that is proof that you loved them. If, you are grieved over the loss of a job, its proof that you loved being able to provide for yourself or you loved the money that you received from that job.

2. In the same fashion, I was talking to my Dad a few months ago about a mens retreat he went to. And he was told me the retreat was about dealing with sin. The core of the message was that all sin is rooted in disbelief of God. So, I have taken that to heart and thought about this.

Fear is disbelieve in God.

Fear in your job, your marriage, your relationships your schooling or anything really can be boiled down to not believing God is going to pull through. That he doesn't know what would make you truly happy or satisfied. Man, this has really affected my way of thinking recently. I hope it will do the same to you.

So, two things. Fear=Disbelief in God. Grief=Proof of Love

Boom...

Wait.... This isn't what I ordered!?!?

Hello!

Recently I have started a few different BIG ventures in my life. For some odd reason they haven't turned out the way I expected them to at all. These main ventures are getting out of high school and into college and changing churches. Both of these haven't turned out exactly how I expected.

I was expecting to go to college and love most of it and hate little. This idea was false, and I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't want to be in radiology anymore, I dread the thought of spending years in this style of school. I don't know why I thought I would want to be in radiology because obviously I'm not wired for this type of scholastic work(I HATE IT). I'll be finishing this semester and then weigh my options with my parents.

I think I might be a music minister which a few years ago, I thought would be horrible. I thought they were all pompous jackasses with voices like billy goats. But after spending time with my previous worship leader and youth paster, that view has changed.

My new church seems great. I really like the music and hope to be apart of it. It's really guitar driven, which I like but also find a great challenge. Im used to hiding behind a piano and another guitarist. My position here (which isn't filled) would be more supportive and much more technically challenging, but also more my style of music I listen to so that could be helpful. Im just trying to also be very carful not to be the new person who wants to get "involved" to quickly. Thats a quick way to step on peoples toes, and not a great way to make a first impression. I meet with one of the music ministers for lunch tomorrow.

Anyways, Here are some of the things I've been thinking recently.

1. What am I doing?

2. I can't fit in some of my jeans.

3. I'm glad my feet don't get fat when I grow. That would suck.....

4. How will I consistently provide for my family?(you know,later)

5. I need to make new friends.

6. I think this is how people grow closer to God. Through uncertain times.

7. I just finished giving myself a haircut and I think I missed a spot in the back...

Ok thats all.I'm tired...

Tomorrow starts a lot of CHANGE

Good evening!!

I am very excited about this weekend. First, its longer than most. I have Monday off of school and work (SA-WEEEET!!!.) Tomorrow is my last Sunday at my current church. I know its what I'm supposed to do, but there is still a hint of sadness. But, I have decided this is my chrysalis stage. I've already gone through the chubby part. I mean it more in a spiritually growing way. I am slowly understanding better what I believe and what I don't.

But!!

Also, with the shedding of my

summer skin (snake analogy this time... You can be impressed.) There are things I look forward to in excitement. Like meeting new people, hopefully playing music with different people, and gaining relationships with other Christians....... Maybe even a girl!?!?!

Ok thats all.....

YAY FOR THE WEEKEND!!!

So!

This coming weekend, two awesome things are happening. First, Jon and Em are coming up from Houston. And second, I get off early on saturday!

Now the second one might not seem like much. But you would be surprised how wonderful it is for me to leave two hours early and go home to my family. Especially knowing I'll probably be greeted by Jon yelling "O, hello Monkey!!" And Miss Em laughing and dancing around.

Thats all I can think of for now!

TOO......FUNNY

I was searching youtube for funny clips the other day.

You just cant look away!!!

People falling is really funny!!

New Things Are Coming

Hello

Things I'm thinking about right now.

1. Church in the morning. I hope worship is.....well....... Worship

2. College starts soon for me. I think I'm going to be ok. My classes don't seem too hard.

3. I will be leaving my church September 6th. There are a lot of things I'm going to miss. People mostly(that's about it). Also, the other thing that's kept me there was being comfortable. But slowly that comfort has become being comfortably numb(like the Pink Floyd song). I got numb to the preaching of doctrine I didn't believe. Anyways, I feel like God is calling me somewhere else. Lets just say "Its just not a good fit anymore"

Ok, done.........

4. Back to the subject of what im thinking about. I bought lunch for a Hobo today. I went to taco bell on my lunch break. I wonder if taco bell had the same "effect" on him as it did on me..........

Sleeeep.....

New Stuff Ahead...

Well hello!

I've been quite busy recently.

Top ten things that are going on.

(in no order of importance)

1. Work is going great!

2. I got a raise at work!(...... Big spender.....)

3. School starts the 25fthhhhhhhhhh

4. Im going to start playing coffee houses with my brother.

5. My sister is a secret agent.

6. I got a 4 1/2 ft spoon for my room. (picture will be added)

7. Someone stole my front left hubcap off of my car.

8. Dallas Cowboys preseason....nuff said

9. Seven Eleven got my favorite slurpee flavor back in(Blue Pineapple Lime... Its blue)

10. The spoon counts twice....

July

Hello!

So Its been a while since I could think of something to say. Few updates

1. Im in the new house. I love it!

2. Im not very happy with church. It's very weird and hard to explain. But, basically its becoming very obvious that there isn't a peer group that suits me. And that doesn't even really explain it.

3. Work is killer stressful. And let me just point out, I WORK AT A MUSIC STORE. there is no need for it to be stressful. Its my boss's fault.

4. still pretty lonely, but there's not much I can do about that. So, whatever.

Well thats about it...........

I think Im going to be a worship pastor. But not like a gay one........

Things that DIDN"T go right today!

Hello reader's
Well to put it plainly, today was a day from hell. The morning was fine for me, honestly. But after about 1:30 it all went down hill quick. I arrive to work, to hear the sound of my boss yelling on the phone to his SPA specialist(which is just a fancy term for big time loan officer) about how he wants to close later, and also, instead of two closings(one for land and the other for the building) he wants one!!!! And doesn't want to pay an extra two thousand dollars!!!
Has was one fiery, six foot nine, 190 Lb, balding boss!!
Then the rest of the day, he felt like "taking a break",FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!!! which meant going next store and getting more and more diet coke. I was in charge of answering phones, filling out mounds of return forms for band instruments and running the floor!!!
There was a miss understanding with one of the teachers. He made sure I knew, the next guitar student MUST go to him."I gotta eat man"(as he drank his Fiji water.) So, what do I do? I give him the next guitar lesson. But one thing he forgot to tell me was
" O yeah, I'm not gonna teach that late anymore.......oops"
JACKASS!!
Which meant I had to call back and tell the father of the new student, that the fifteen gruelling minutes of paper work we had to do over the phone was worthless. The response was definitely over 60db's.
So
On the way home from my hellish day at work, a car pulles out RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!!
So much so, I could not stop in time and I ended up on the side walk, destroying a mailbox and getting a pretty good seat belt burn. I didn't hit the car. But the mailbox is dead and gone. And If my mom's car could talk, I think it would be pretty pissed too.

Also, later on, I get home and find out the girl I like is getting flowers and candy from some other guy!!!
What a stupid-good-for-nothing-hell-damn-ass DAY

Thats all.............

The End Of Something BIG

Hello
Well, I haven't posted recently. Its probably because I have been very busy........orr...Nothing interesting has happened at all(You choose the excuse, you deserve it.)But there is one cool thing that's happening. I graduate from high school in thirteen days!!
I am quite excited, and so is everyone who reads this also.

But one thing that I've been thinking about a lot recently is, one of my good friends who used to work at my church. He was my youth paster.(The best one too.). And I was thinking about how nice it would have been, if on graduation Sunday, He would recognize me and shake my hand on stage. I'm not one who likes all the attention, but a few years ago, that was something I was looking forward to a lot. I think it's a lot more because of how proud he would be of me than anything else. He and his wife would probably say to me later something like this.
" Jeremy, you have grown up so much since we first met you several years ago. We are so proud of you and who you are becoming."

Hear is the kicker...
The elders in my church felt that he and his wife were not a "good fit" anymore, and thought it best if they quit there post of being our youth pastors. This was quite a shocker to me, seeing as everything seemed to be going very well. They made it quite clear that it was not because of anything he did. But that they just see our church going in a different direction and no longer see them going with us. I don't go to youth group anymore and haven't for a while.
The things that mattered most to me are long gone. Like....

1. Leaders who took worship very seriously.

2. Meaning full teaching that was not skin deep or always about election.

3. People who understood youth group as not always place best suited for silly games that don't really make any sense. but just made you want to wash you hands.

4. People who cared(and still do)enough about you to check up on you through out the week.

I know a few things though
I am thankful to still get to talk to them and still have them in my life.

Also,I'm so glad God never decides that we're just not a "good fit" anymore, aren't you?

That's all........

My Day Off!!

I have made a list of things Im thinking about today!
So hear goes!

1. No work today!!
(Whoooop Whooooop!!)

2. I really like my new amp. I would take a picture, but its pretty small, so you might think its not as cool as I've made it out to be. Which would be false!!

3. Whopper Wednesday was a bad idea.......(I don't think i need to explain.....)

4. I have now thought of the best way to explain the feeling I have living in this apartment.
It's like when you go to a clothing store(I like to think of j-crew) and you go try something on. So, you're in the fitting room, no one can see you, but EVERYONE can hear you. Meaning, if you might let something sneak out, they will hear it. And the whole time you kind of feel rushed, so the next person can come in and try something on.......... It's kinda like that.

So later tonight, me and my fam are going down to the pool to grill, swim, etc. It should be fun!
That's all.................

Things Im thinking about.........

Of course, I have decided to do this blog in a "list" style format, AGAIN.(deal wit it sniches...;D)
So hear goes.......
(Actually in order of importance.........To an extent.)

1. I'm pretty happy with my church in general. Worship has been pretty Bad A-- recently. I still don't get much out of the teaching. But, the worship is helpful!

2. I am SLOWLY getting to used to an apartment.................

3. I don't "do" small talk very well. It's staring to bother me too ,and I just don't want talk about nothing. But at the same time, I'm not one to talk about important things with strangers( STRANGER DANGER!!!) But that kind of leaves a gap in meeting new people. For example!!--

I met this really cool girl at church, and I started talking to her. But I kinda reached this point where I don't really want to talk about anything too important with her while we're around other people. Cause other people are stupid....... O, and sometimes I still act like teenage boy, who is too scared to talk to girls....just BTW

But no worry's, I'll think of something...

4. I bought an amp today!!. I'm excited to play it tomorrow. But right now its 11pm so I cant really play.

OK, well I'm done.................

Picture says it all........

Guitar Hero.......

So......
I had a Good friend ask me what I thought about guitar hero/rock band.(I forgot which one)He knows I work at a music store, and I guess he thought I might have something to say about it. He was right!!
Hears part of the post I sent him

Black Magic
I have had reason to think about this way too much.
No lie; Almost every other day at work, I hear something like this.
"Man, my kid plays on them-that-therr-uh, geetar hero, like at least five er six hours a-day. It's proly just like the real stuff, huh!!!."
(At this point in the conversation,I'm thinking "SPEAK ENGLISH!!!" and wondering how many years I would get for assault with an electric guitar)
But to answer your question.I've done some research on this "guitar hero" and or "rock band". I can also say, both are quite fun. BUT, for most people it uses a totally different side of your brain!!. I honestly think its a fun game. I just get tired of parents who think there kids are going to be awesome at guitar because of a silly video game. Hears a question I have for them.

1. Do they think there child is going to be a good driver because they played that one game called Driver?

I thought about this more
What if we took this thought proses even further.

2. Do they think there child can just skip basic training in the military, because they played that one army game?

Stupid parents.....

On another note
My family and I are now moved into our apartment. It has been different, and a little cramped. But, my family and I are getting into some good habits. One is going to the gym!. It's something that I haven't been doing for very long. But I find its a good stress reliever. And, I like the feeling of getting fit and trim.
Ok thats all............

What Im Doing

So I haven't posted anything for a while. It's definitely because I'm busy. I find it easy'r to write a list of things, instead of paragraphs. Soooooo!!

What I've been up too!

1. Finishing school!! I think I have like seven weeks left.

2. Playing Music.

3. Looking at new music products, wondering how I could afford some of them.( Im trying to be smart with my money, knowing that there are always unexpected things around the corner)

4. Reading about Blaise Pascal. Seems he and I have a lot in common as far as religion goes. He talks about how he has a hard time taking things at face value. Kinda hard to explain.

5. Trying to feel at home at church. Things are kinda rough right now. Also, I've had offers from other churches to play in there worship services. But all of them are in denominations I don't quite agree with:(

6. I got my graduation suite!! Banana Republic, Gray, Two Button, British Cut. Nuff said........I love it.

7. Trying not to stress about moving and what not. Its funny, I thought Right now I would be freaked out about graduation; What am I going to do?!?!?, Is that really what I want to do?!?! None of these questions seem relevant. I know all of those, I just don't know where I'm going to live!!!

So.....
That's whats up..